Yesterday, I brought up to the guy I'm crushing on, that 'awkward' conversation.
Well, it's what our peers, the media, churches and (some) of our famlies have labeled as 'awkward.' Now, within the HIV AIDS media work that we're doing, we're reconditioning our minds and hearts to recognize that this kind of conversation
is normal. This kind of conversation SHOULD be normal, especially between two partners who have the potential to share intimacy whether it's physical or not.
Needless to say, the conversation went smoothly. After I had inquired about the last time he was tested for anything (STI's, HIV, etc), I must say that I had a better piece of mind. I informed him of how it's the standard to be tested every 6 months regardless of one's situation(s) and that this is a NORMAL habit.
It's safe to never make assumptions. Just because the person was "raised in a stable household," or claims to have only been with people who are "clean" does not make them immune to anything. All too often, I hear people say things like "I'm married now, I don't need to get tested," or "I know she's clean, I'm the only guy she's been with."
[insert LOUD buzzer sound here.]
Although these reasonings sound logical, they can also be semi-assumptions which do not supersede science. I'm reminded of the first time I attended my 1st HIV AIDS 101 Training back in 2005...The trainer brought in a young 40-something year old woman to talk about her experience and being diagnosed with HIV. This women went on to tell her story- she had grown up with the mentality that she was going to save herself and stay a virgin until marriage. She graduated from college, still celibate, and afterwards met the man of her dreams. She married him and had three children. When she had her 3rd child, the doctor's informed her that her baby was HIV positive. The woman was flabbergasted. She didn't understand how that was possible, when she had only been with one man in her life. Later on she tested positive for HIV and so did her husband. She then went on to show everyone in the training all the different kinds of medication she had to take a day and how much her medication costs per year (over 20 g's a year.) Moral of the story: no one is immune, even those who practice conservative values, even those who are married, even those who have only one partner. No one is immune.
So before anyone spits out the typical phrases:
- "I'm married, I don't need to get tested."
- "I'm clean, and I know my partner's clean."
- "There's no way I could be have HIV, I just know."
- "He's a good person, I know he's negative."
- "She's an angel, of course she's doesn't have HIV."
Let's just throw all these lines out the window.
Let's make it habitual to be able to have these 'awkward' conversations with our partners.
Let's attempt to reprogram our minds to never assume anything.
Let's pass the knowledge, get tested...
or even better, why not get tested with your partner?
These actions/conversations can become as average as we want them to be.
It's the first step.